


Turian Notes

by Kallonimo



Series: Shakarian Quarantine Project [31]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Humor, Past Shepard/Liara T'Soni, no beta we die like jenkins, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24771391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kallonimo/pseuds/Kallonimo
Summary: Shepard takes notes on Garrus. For science.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Series: Shakarian Quarantine Project [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1751218
Comments: 13
Kudos: 84





	Turian Notes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HalRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalRose/gifts).



> Prompt Category: Kisses  
> Promp: On the back

“Honestly, to think that you would end up with a Turian”, Liara shakes her head. “I know you’re into aliens, but that is a lot.”

Shepar wiggles her eyebrows. “You were my gateway drug.”

“Godess”, her friend and ex chuckles “Asari was not enough for you.”

“You know me, I always go the extra mile. Besides…”, Shepard leans back in her chair. “You are straight up taking notes on Javik.” 

“I am an Archaeologist! It’s scientific interest!”

“Of course, of course, I’m gonna start taking notes on Garrus too. Scientific interest.”

“As long as you send them to me for peer review.”

-

Email from Shepard@Normandy.com to T’Soni@Normandy.com

Turian notes 1

Sample Turian (further referred to as “The Boyfriend”) loves to calibrate the main gun. This is not an innuendo, he spends all his time in the fucking main battery. 

Please tell me you have time to have a drink with me, Liara. Allers is driving me insane.

-

Email from T’Soni@Normandy.com to Shepard@Normandy.com

Re: Turian Notes 1

(Goddess, Shepard you are the worst)

Suggest trying to coax The Boyfriend out of the main battery with promise of alcohol in the Normandy casino. Same tactic might also work on sample Quarian (further referred to as “Our Friend Who Needs A Break”) and sample Human – Subspecies Canadian (further referred to as “Our Other Friend Who Needs a Break”).

Me too honestly, let’s just have a nice evening and not invite her. 

-

Email from Shepard@Normandy.com to T’Soni@Normandy.com

Turian Notes 2

Thank you for your successful participation on in Experiment 1 – Get The Boyfriend drunk and Our Friends Who Need A Break relaxed. I have since discovered that Turians need an unusually high amount of sleep. The Boyfriend has thusly developed behaviour in which when I leave the bed he will half wake up, kiss my back and immediately fall back asleep. This raises the adorableness factor of The Boyfriend to previously unseen heights. 

Yes even cuter than you. 

-

Email from T’Soni@Normandy.com to Shepard@Normandy.com

Re: Turian Notes 2

While your discoveries on the adorableness factor of the Boyfriend appear groundbreaking I can not help but question the experiment. It is a widely known fact that you yourself do not get enough sleep so it is in fact entirely possible that The Boyfriend sleeps as much as a Human or Asari would and the outlier is in fact you. 

No one is cuter than me, especially not Garrus. Does he have freckles? I don’t think so.

-

Email from T’Soni@Normandy.com to Vakarian@Normandy.com

Your girlfriend

How much does Shepard sleep? Also who is cuter, you or me? It’s for science.

-

Email from Vakarian@Normandy.com to T’Soni@Normandy.com

Re: Your girlfriend

Not enough. She keeps sneaking out. I have thought about installing a tripwire. 

I think everyone on this ship is very cute, except for Allers and Javik (Does he know I just called him not cute? Does his psychic thing work like that?). 

-

Email from EDI to Shepard@Normandy.com, T’Soni@Normandy.com and Vakarian@Normandy.com

In the interest of aiding your scientific pursuits I have conducted a survey amongst the Normandy Crew. According to the survey the cutest person on the Normandy is Admiral Tali’Zorah, closely followed by Specialist Traynor. The three of you were not ranked as adorable despite Dr. T’Soni’s freckles. Here are the reasons given:

“She is our Commanding Officer”  
“All three of them are scary as fuck”  
“I’m pretty sure Vakarian could shoot me from across the Citadel”  
“I think T’Soni knows everything. It’s creepy.”

-

Email from Shepard@Normandy.com to T’Soni@Normandy.com

Turian Notes 3

I am relatively certain The Boyfriend has installed a tripwire in my bedroom and suspect you might be involved. This is very unprofessional of you Dr. T’Soni.

I fucking faceplanted. 

-

Email from T’Soni@Normandy.com to Shepard@Normandy.com

Re: Turian Notes 3

While I was in fact aware of plans expressed by The Boyfriend to install said tripwire, I decided not to interfere in the interest of science and you getting some fucking sleep. 

Did you get some sleep?

-

Email from Shepard@Normandy.com to T’Soni@Normandy.com

Fuck you

Yes. After he picked me up from my own bedroom floor while laughing at me. Thanks.

**Author's Note:**

> I love texting/Email fics. Can't believe it took me this long to write a Mass Effect one.


End file.
